I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Small penises have feelings too.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
