i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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