Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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