i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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