Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
