did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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