The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Are we still banned from the library?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
