No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
