Your tits are I can't wait for
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize