if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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