Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
