Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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