I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it's like iHOP with fire
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I believe in your delicious
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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