I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
