Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
