I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
