She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize