Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
