Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
