I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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