Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
