I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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