I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
