GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
