I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
