ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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