he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
