I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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