god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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