so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
