i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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