if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
