So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
