we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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