Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
