How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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