New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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