i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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