you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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