1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
