I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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