I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize