i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone says I win the strip club
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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