Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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