take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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