you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
