The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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