the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
