Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
