Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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