then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
