Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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