thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's never too late to be topless.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
