the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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