first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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