respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
