I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
