it was like eating out sand paper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
