i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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