i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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