so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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