would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
