Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
