I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
